Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You pole danced in your parka.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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