pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
