Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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