don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Mom said you looked used
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
