Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
