Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
