He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
