Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
