i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
