i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
