i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
