Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
