I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize