he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I want to fling myself into the sun
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
why is half of my head shaved?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
