Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
