this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
