i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
