Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
