So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
