First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
