fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
