nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my shit smells like andre
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
