i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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