It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
