WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
