Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
