Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sober January is a disaster.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
