Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
