Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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