help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
