So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
