I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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