My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
