Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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