make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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