I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
