LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
