i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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