yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Barsexuality is the new black.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize