you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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