Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
