We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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