I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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