Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
