Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Let's paint friendship bongs
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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