you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
