Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
