oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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