I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
