he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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