I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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