I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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