I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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