I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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