So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
