would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There r osticjed everywhere
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
