I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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