my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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