Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
