Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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