Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
