isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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