I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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