Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
