My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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