Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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