no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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