i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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