i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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