Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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