I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
