And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He passed out mid-signature
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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