U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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