i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
